You were my Best Friend
by dkerr
Summary: I wrote this some time ago - What could happen if Xander confessed his 'lie', but, thankfully, hasn't.


Disclaimer only the plot is mine, characters belong to Joss Whedon, Fox, etc.  
  
  
  
You Were My Best Friend  
  
  
I raise your hand, and clasp it between mine. My eyes on your face, my spirit praying. Praying for you  
to wake up. To tell me that this isn't all my fault.   
  
It won't happen.   
  
It began this morning as we walked to school. You told me that you never told her that I was trying the  
ritual to restore his soul. You thought it might be jealousy, because he got the girl you loved, and I admit  
to a thrill of anger because I thought it too. But then I remembered all the times you stood between me  
and the bullies, and then the monsters. I remembered how you'd fret on the nights she had to face the  
dark alone, even though that was the way she wanted it.   
  
You saw a danger you thought we were blind to. Maybe we were. But you were too. Blind to the  
goodness, the gentleness in his soul.   
  
For my part, I forgave you, as I forgave you so many things before, yes even for taking my Barbie,  
though I never told you that. It wasn't enough, was it. So I suggested that you talk to her. Yes she  
would be angry, and for a while things would be bad between you, but eventually you would have worked  
things out between you.   
  
I really thought they would.   
  
School today went as so many other school days go. We met in the library, went to classes, and planned  
to meet in the library after school. We were going to have a research party. For the latest prophecy.   
  
I was the first there, and was starting on some simple searches when she came in. Her eyes were red  
and dry. It wasn't hard to see that something was wrong. I asked her about it, she didn't answer, turned  
her face away. I thought nothing of it, she was often that way, and turned back to my work.   
  
The others came, and still you did not. They wondered about it, but you've been late before, and no one  
thought much about it. Except for me, I was getting more and more worried. We began talking about the  
latest problem, but I couldn't keep my mind on it. I asked her again if she had seen you, and I told her  
that you may have wanted to talk to her. She just stared at me, but didn't t say anything. I got really  
scared, when she looked away, and tried to change the subject. I ran out of the library.   
  
I found you. Laying half in that ruined locker, blood dripping onto the floor.   
  
I rode with you in the ambulance, sat dully in the waiting room, waiting for someone, anyone, to come tell  
me that you would be okay. But no one did. Instead they talked of massive brain trauma, loss of blood,  
not waking up.   
  
They've all come. Giles sits waiting, not knowing what to say. He keeps trying to get Buffy to say  
something, but she won't talk to him. He's almost beside himself. He told them about the gang, on pcp,  
that accosted you, but he suspects. He doesn't want to know. Not for sure. I don't think.   
  
Buffy sits against the wall. She won't talk to anyone. I've never been so scared of her, or for her.   
  
Cordelia is a mess. Giles tries to comfort her but he's not helping.. I think it helps him keep his mind from  
a more horrible possibility..   
  
Angel is here too. No one has really said anything, but somehow, he must have figured out what had happened, and why.. Buffy cringes under the looks he gives her, when he does look at her, which isn't often. He took me aside and asked me to tell you that he understands why you did what you did. He would have done the same.   
  
The room has grown silent. The beeping has stopped. You look so much at peace.   
  
Giles enters just as I rise from my chair, tears blurring my eyes. He takes me into his arms, and I  
squeeze him as hard as I can. The world seems bereft of everything, and I can only hear the gentle  
words meant to comfort me.   
  
The others are standing when he leads me out of the room. Even Buffy. She steps towards me, but  
stops when I cringe back into Giles' arms. I wonder how I could be so blind, not to have seen the ways  
in which she hurt you.   
  
You wouldn't have wanted that, I know. If you could, you'd tell me that its okay for me to be friends  
with Buffy. That she didn't really mean to do what she did. It just happened. But all I can do is not  
confirm what they suspect, and Angel knows. You wouldn't want me to, so I won't. And the world  
needs the Slayer. Maybe someday I can forgive her, be her friend.   
  
But I'll never forget.   
  
Never forget...   
  
You were my best friend. 


End file.
